If you still have children at home…do they always obey you the first time you tell them to do something? Are they always perfect angels who stand at attention when you enter the room? If you answered “Yes” to both questions…then you need to be the one writing this post today! I’ve talked to a lot of parents over the years and many of them say they usually have to repeat themselves over and over again before their children do what they are told to do. They often hope the situation will improve as their children get older…but that is rarely the case.
I realized when our children were growing up that they could easily have selective hearing…hearing only what they wanted to hear. One way to test this was to say to them, “Hey, who wants ice cream?” If they immediately said, “I DO!”, I could be pretty sure that they were probably making the choice not to hear me when I told them to do something that they didn’t want to do. Very few children need to be asked over and over again if they want something that is a delectable delight or is a fun adventure.
We came to the realization with our children that they usually did hear us the first time and so we decided there would be a consequence if they didn’t obey the first time. We had to figure out what the one thing was that each child really didn’t want to lose and then if they chose not to obey, that one privilege was taken away. For example, if one of our children loved electronics and made the decision not to obey us, those electronics were taken away from them for an undisclosed length of time.
The reason we didn’t tell them how long they would be without their “privilege” was because we realized that if we told them a week, that child would behave beautifully for a week until they got their privilege returned to them and then their bad habit would return. So, we told them that when we saw a consistent change in their behavior, they would regain their privilege. I can remember being asked, “How much longer?” several times because it really was hard on them to not know when their privilege would be returned.
Do you know what? All three of our children survived and soon learned to listen the first time they were told to do something. We didn’t even have to count…which is a huge pet peeve of mine. I will probably get flack for this, but it really bothers me when I hear a parent tell their child to do something and when they choose not to listen, the adult starts counting. “One…two…three…four…five…and I’ve heard some go up as far as ten and many times nothing happens at that point. The adult stops counting and the child still chooses not to listen. Why? Because that little darling is smarter than you think and they know you will tire of counting!
Parenting is hard…really hard…and you will face many challenges along the way. I know it isn’t always easy being the “bad guy” to your children because we all want our kids to be our friend and think we are the greatest. But we need to remember that children are actually happier when they have boundaries and limits and that one of our jobs as a parent is to make sure they learn to respect and honor those who have authority over them.
Ephesians 6:2-3 tells us, “Honor your father and mother” – which is the first commandment with a promise – “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Most children are not going to automatically learn to honor their parents and those in authority without our guidance. We must be consistent and loving in our discipline because we know that this is what God wants for them. Learning this will become a life skill that will go with them the rest of their lives. If we can keep that in mind now when they are young, there is a higher probability that as adults they will have a positive influence on our world in the years to come. And that will make these trying days oh so worth it!
“No discipline is enjoyable while it is
happening—it’s painful!
But afterward there will be a peaceful
harvest of right living
for those who are trained in this way.”
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