Well I heard those words again last week. If I had a dollar for every time I have heard
them…I would be quite wealthy. I didn’t
want to hear them, I prayed that I wouldn’t hear them…but I did.
The words were ones that I have heard for many years from
various doctors. Each one had their own
variation of words, but they all had the same meaning. Yes, once again I heard a doctor say last
Friday that in all of his years of practicing medicine, no other patient’s body
has reacted the way mine did to a diagnostic test. No one.
This doctor, like all the others, is stumped. He just sat there shaking his head, knowing I
was in a lot of pain, but didn’t know why.
I’ll be honest; I had a pretty frank discussion with my Jesus on
the drive home. It went something like
this: “Come on Jesus. Am I asking too much to just want some
answers? Couldn’t just once, when
something goes haywire in my body, there be a simple answer? Couldn’t just once I hear the words, ‘Oh yes,
that is common and all we need to do is this simple thing and the pain will go
away’? Am I really asking too much? What do you want me to do?”
Do you know what I heard?
Silence. Complete.dead.silence. Not only did I not get answers from the
doctor, neither did I get answers from my Jesus. He didn’t write anything in the sky (which
was probably good since I was driving). There
was no burning bush. He didn’t have a
song play on the radio that spoke to my soul.
He didn’t even whisper in my ear.
I heard nothing.
I’m sure you’ve been there.
I’m sure there have been times in your life where your situation just
didn’t make sense and when you questioned Jesus…He was silent. It would be so much easier if He would just
text us the answers and we could just go on with our lives. But for some reason, we hear nothing.
A woman said to me recently, “I just don’t understand why you
have to endure so much pain, since you are a Christian woman.” Oh if life was always that easy. If just being a Christian woman or man would
guarantee that we never had pain or difficulties, it might be much easier to
win more people for Christ!
Unfortunately, being a Christian doesn’t mean we will always be problem
free, but it does guarantee that we will always have Someone to walk with
us…even when that Someone is silent.
As I’ve thought about this over the weekend, I’ve come to
realize that even when Jesus is silent…He isn’t absent. Psalm 23:4 says, “Even when I walk through the
darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close
beside me. Your rod and your staff
protect
and comfort me.” Jesus never
leaves me and so I am always in His presence.
I’ve also been thinking that maybe when Jesus is silent, it’s
because He knows I’m not ready to hear what He has to say. Maybe He knows I’m not mature enough in Him
to handle His wisdom. Maybe He’s waiting
to see how passionate I am to hear Him speak.
How fervently will I pray? How
devoted will I be at reading His Word to learn more about Him and His ways?
And maybe…just maybe…when Jesus is silent, He really isn’t, it’s
just that I’m not listening. I had
someone ask me the other day how I was doing and before I could even answer,
this person said “Good” and then just kept talking. Maybe that is me with Jesus. Maybe I’m so obsessed with telling Him what I
think He should do, I don’t hear Him when He speaks.
Lately, I’ve had a lot more questions than answers, but I know I
need to put my trust in my Jesus. I’m
trying hard to remember that just because He is quiet doesn’t mean He is
absent, and He already knows what my tomorrow will bring. I may continually stump my doctors, but thank
goodness I never stump my Jesus!
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